Center for Reproductive PsychologyHome PageCenter for Reproductive Psychology Home Page
  Home    Publications    Articles  
Publications

Past Article of the Month Originally Published 02/04/2012
COPING WITH SECONDARY INFERTILITY

<b>Secondary Infertility: What is it?</b> If youve had a baby without any problems, it is natural to think youll be able to get pregnant and have another with ease. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Secondary infertility, which is defined as the inability to conceive and give birth following the birth of a biological child, is more common than you think. According to RESOLVE, the National Fertility Association, secondary infertility affects more people than primary infertility (or the inability to conceive or give birth at all). One study cited that the proportion of women in the United States with secondary infertility (70%) is more than double that of primary (30%). This may be due to factors of age, perhaps because women seeking a second child may be older than those trying to conceive for the first time. And while the proportion of couples with secondary infertility is greater than primary, those with secondary infertility are much less likely to seek treatment. <b>What is the Treatment for Secondary Infertility?</b> The treatment for secondary infertility is the same as for primary infertility. You and your partner will likely go through a series of tests and procedures to try to determine a cause for your problem. The catch though is that couples with secondary infertility often dont seek treatment or support because they mistakenly think their past success means they are fertile; even doctors may downplay the need for treatment and encourage couples to just keep trying. This can severely impact the likelihood for success, especially as women get older. <b>What Makes Secondary Infertility So Hard to Deal With?</b> Those suffering from secondary infertility are in a unique position and may feel more isolated because of it. Technically speaking, you are not infertile after all, you have been successful in having at least one baby but if you are struggling to have more children you may feel at odds with the world. You may feel as if you dont fit anywhere those with primary infertility may react negatively: Why arent you satisfied? At least you have one? Indeed, if you seek out an infertility support group, you may feel misunderstood. One woman described feelings of guilt and shame, as if she shouldnt be upset at her struggles to have a second child because she was previously able to have one. On the other hand, you may not feel comfortable with friends as you watch them go on to have their second or third child. If your family does not feel complete, it may be more difficult to share in their joy as you watch their family grow. While primary infertility patients feel as if they are on one side of the fence with the fertile world on the other, secondary infertility makes you feel as if you are straddling the fence and have no solid ground to land on. This raises the emotional stakes as you question your identity, status, and validity. <b>The Grief Process</b> If you are not able to have the number of children you want if your reproductive story needs to be amended and revised you may find yourself having feelings of grief and loss. At the same time, you are likely busy with a small child, attending to their needs, and enjoying watching them develop and grow. On the one hand you may feel competent and proud of being a parent, while in the next breath you feel undermined in your failed quest for more children. The combination of these opposing feelings joy and sadness, pleasure and dissatisfaction can be difficult to manage, especially if you do not have a safe place to express yourself. It is important to remember that secondary infertility is a loss that needs to be grieved. Your feelings may wax and wane as circumstances dictate, but you need to know that your feelings of grief, anger, and despair are normal and to be expected. Seeking out support from others in the same position, or from a mental health professional, can be vital to working through your feelings, decreasing your sense of isolation, and rewriting your story. * Back
Copyright © 2024 by the Center for Reproductive Psychology. All rights reserved. Please contact us for permission to publish. If you have a question, comments, or a suggestion for an online article, please feel free to contact us.