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Past Article of the Month Originally Published 05/01/2012
How to Cope With an Ectopic Pregnancy

If you or someone you know has had an ectopic pregnancy you know just how terrifying it can be. Although only approximately 1 out of every 50 pregnancies is ectopic, it is a very serious medical condition. All ectopic pregnancies must be terminated, as the developing fetus can threaten the life of the mother. Normally, a fertilized egg travels through the fallopian tube and implants in the uterus, where it can grow and develop into a baby. Sometimes, however, the developing embryo lodges in other areas, such as the cervix, the ovary, or the abdominal cavity. Most (about 98%) of ectopic pregnancies, however, occur in the fallopian tube, hence another name for them is tubal pregnancy. The greatest risk to the mother is if a rupture occurs causing internal bleeding. With early intervention and surgery, the survival rate has vastly improved from what it had been, but it is still the leading cause of pregnancy-related death in the first trimester. <i>Multiple Losses</i> The devastation from having an ectopic pregnancy can be overwhelming not just medically, but psychologically. Not only have you lost a baby, but also your sense of self, how you relate to others, and how you feel about your future can be gravely shaken. Here are some ways that people have felt their lives change after an ectopic pregnancy. Its important to remember that these are common, normal, and to be expected feelings after such a devastating event. Loss of trust in your body: After an ectopic pregnancy, you may feel as if your body has betrayed you. You may have taken it for granted that you would get pregnant and that your body would know what to do. After all, you may think, everyone elses body can do this, why cant mine? Loss of fertility: Your fallopian tube may have ruptured or been severely damaged due to the pregnancy. With one less tube, your chances of getting pregnant are cut in half. Although not impossible to conceive again, you will be counting on one fallopian tube instead of two. Fear of pregnancy: Not only are your chances of getting pregnant diminished, but you may be frightened that it will happen again. Indeed, you have a greater chance of having another ectopic pregnancy after you have had one: the recurrence rate is 15% after having your first; 30% after your second. Worries about your relationship: Many women worry that their partner will see them differently after this trauma. If you see yourself as damaged goods, you may assume that your partner sees you as defective as well. Some women worry that their partner will leave them and have a baby with someone else. Concerns about sex: You may be frightened to have sex again, likewise, your partner may be scared of hurting you. The association of sex and baby- making may create tension and anxiety, further complicating your feelings about yourself and your partner. Problems with social relationships: Often people dont fully understand the trauma you have been through. People around you may unintentionally say hurtful things (it was for the best or you are young, you can have another) without realizing the impact their words carry. You may feel as if you dont fit in anywhere and feel uncomfortable when other people around you are pregnant. Questions about spirituality: Many times having a trauma like an ectopic pregnancy creates doubts about ones religious/spiritual beliefs. One common question we hear all the time is, why me? as if you did something to deserve this tragedy. <i>Grief and Coping</i> It is vital to remember that you are grieving not just the loss of a baby, but the multiple layers of loss described above. Just as your body needs to heal from this event, so too does your heart and mind. It takes time to regroup and process all that has occurred. Its okay not to expect too much from yourself at this time, or to expect too much from your partner. You both need time and gentle loving care. It is also important to keep in mind that you and your partner may have very different ways of expressing your grief. Your coping styles may be quite dissimilar for example, you may need to reach out to others and talk about your loss, while your partner may be more private. And the time frame for grieving may be different for both of you. Your partner may feel the need to get back to normal sooner than you do. Knowing and expecting that you and your partner will have various reactions and needs can help you understand each other better. In addition, it can be very helpful to seek support from peers that understand pregnancy loss, and/or from a professional who can help guide you through the normal phases of grief. You have been through a profound and life-changing event both medically and psychologically and need to heal from both wounds. * Back
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