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The Reproductive Story Project
Read a Story About the Project

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Giving Up a Part of My Reproductive Story

From the time I was a little girl, I loved to play with dolls, Barbies, etc. but i especially loved playing house and school. Growing up, I babysat a bit but kids walked all over me! I just figured I wasn't any good with kids.

As I've gotten older, I find that I'm uninterested in being subjected to other people's unattended/poorly behaved children in restaurants and the like. I've always felt though that my own children would be different. I've always had running lists of names and plans for how I'd raise my kids. I always hoped to have little girls.

I met my fiance a few years ago. He had had an undescended testicle at birth that wasn't dealt with until he was almost 2 years old. He also has an extra chromosome so we were worried about our chances for conception. November 2007 I had him have a semen analysis done and the results weren't good. His doctor told him he had no sperm in the sample but that we could always just adopt. Scott was devestated. As was I.

Although most of my friends and family assumed I didn't want kids, I had always wanted them. The biggest part of my reproductive story was that I wanted to meet the man of my dreams and make a baby together. I always thought that would be the most romantic and amazing thing to do as a couple.

I recently realised that I have been majorly depressed since we found out the news. Depression runs in my family and it is something I have been treated for for about 10 years but it's usually fairly under control. It wasn't until I realised I'd been in bed almost all year long that I knew this news had affected me very deeply-much more deeply than I had thought. I have seen the doctor and he just keeps giving me a higher dosage of anti- depressants that clearly are not working. Soon I'll be seeing a therapist with an understanding of infertility and am hopeful she will be able to help pull me out of this rut.

We are going to be trying IUI with donor sperm. I really hope this works. It's been hard to give up the part of my reproductive story that involved making a baby with my fiance but I hope that by being able to share the pregnancy we will be able to make up for some of the losses/changes to the story.

— Crystal C

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