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"A Little Death" Every Month
For most of my adult life, I knew that I didn't want to have kids
"right now" but thought I would want them some day. "Some day" came when I
was 31. I had been dating my husband for 5 years when I finally got
accepted into the Peace Corps. I left for what I thought was going to be
2 years, but was home in 8 months and much changed from the experience.
I told my then boyfriend, "Let's get married and have kids! Now! Now!
Now!!" Well, by the time the wedding was arranged and my husband felt
ready, 3 years had passed.
I busied myself with learning all I could about becoming pregnant.. I
had been taking my temperature, I ovulated regularly, I even had been
teaching childbirth education classes for more than a year. When we
didn't get pregnant the first month, I was disappointed, but not
surprised. By the fourth month I knew something was wrong, but it took us
another 14 months before we did anything about it. Even though I knew
something must be wrong, I just wasn't ready to face the fact that we were
infertile.
After learning we had MFI issues and doing LOTS of research, we decided
to try IUI even though it was not recommended for our issues (ICSI was
the only option given). Well, we got pregnant on the second IUI!
I couldn't believe it! In fact, I never really accepted the fact that
we were finally going to be parents. Perhaps I knew something I didn't
know consciously, because at 27 weeks, I delivered our baby boy who
died shortly after birth.
Now it has been another 10 months and 6 failed IUI's. I know exactly
what it means to feel "a little death" every month. I know how hard it
is to give up and move on to the next step - "just one more cycle . .
."
My husband and I identify with so much of your book. Thank you for
writing it and reminding us that we are normal. 
— Kami K.
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