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Past Article of the Month
Originally Published 07/02/2007
A Test of Faith: Spirituality, Religion and Infertility
By Jana Frances-Fischer, Ph.D.
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If you are struggling with infertility, it may feel as if the inability to conceive a child is a message from God or a higher power. After all, the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply and most sacred texts strongly emphasize having children. But what if you are besieged with infertility? Many people find support, assurance, and guidance from their religious and/or spiritual beliefs and practices, helping to better understand both their private lives and the world at large. But if you are coping with infertility, you may experience a spiritual crisis. Although infertility usually is considered a medical problem, it can be a spiritual or religious one as well.
If you are religious and infertile, you might feel stigmatized or isolated because so many religions are family-centered in beliefs and rituals. You may also feel worried that your particular belief system wont condone the advanced technological methods used by infertility clinics to create life. On the other hand you might feel that praying, reading scared texts, or attending your church, temple or mosque offers a supportive, comforting sanctuary from the pain and difficulties of infertility. Yet, because peoples reactions to infertility are very personal, moral, spiritual and religious beliefs can be deeply challenged.
Some people's first spiritual crisis is linked to infertility. Not being able to have children, you might realize for the first time that you are not in complete control of your life. You might begin to strongly question your faith and your creator as you go through the common grief cycle of shock, anger and blame. If spirituality or religion has played a central role in your life, has shaped your worldview, and has provided explanations for lifes occurrences, you might feel let down. You might sense that God or a higher power is punishing you with the inability to have a child, to have only one child or a child with undue struggle, as a response to former acknowledged or unacknowledged misdeeds. You might even feel guilty having these thoughts, second-guessing your religious or spiritual beliefs.
Anger towards God or a higher power is a common reaction to the perceived loss of control over your body and life. Infertility is so frustrating, and all encompassing; it seems so unfair to watch others who can easily get pregnant and have children whenever they wish. One woman said that her prayers for a baby were not being answered, yet she believed God instilled a strong desire in her to become a mother and that eventually it would be in his plan to work it out for her; she just needed to be patient. So, for some, after questioning what is meant for them in life, their relationship with God or a higher power strengthens, as they end up resolving their infertility through medical treatments, adoption, surrogacy, or grieve and then accept a childfree life. Others, however, might continue to have questions about their religious or spiritual beliefs, and still others might temporarily or permanently abandon spiritual and religious participation as a source of strength and comfort during their trials with infertility.
Whether you are religious or spiritual, questioning or a non-believer, you and your partner are both different people and you might not be on the same page at the same time when it comes to your spiritual beliefs. This can add to the burdens you already feel. Remember, though, there is no one right or wrong way to cope with the frustrations, pain or resolution of infertility. For some, but not everyone, religion and spirituality might be a good fit and help ease this difficult period of your life.
<i>Jana Frances-Fischer, Ph.D. is currently completing her postdoctoral psychology residency at University Counseling Services-Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, VA. She plans to return to her family home in San Diego after twenty years of living in Southern USA. Dr. Frances-Fischer will pursue private practice with interests in the areas of infertility and other reproductive trauma, adoption, third party reproduction, sexuality, spirituality, mind-body wellness, and parenting. She has written numerous articles, a book chapter in The 2007 Complete Women's Psychotherapy Treatment Planner, and has presented papers at both national and international conferences on various aspects of the psychology of the reproductive process both to professionals and to the general public.</i> E-mail <a href="[email protected]">[email protected]</a>
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