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Past Article of the Month Originally Published 10/02/2008
SELF-CARE DURING INFERTILITY

By Jana Frances-Fischer, Ph.D.
Self-care. We hear a lot about the importance of taking care of ones self in our hectic, technological, multitasking world. For those dealing with infertility, self-care is even more crucial. Is it possible to function fully and healthfully even though you are going through a very stressful and painful period in your life? Absolutely! Self-care might mean not forcing yourself into situations in which you feel uncomfortable: baby showers, births, places with lots of children, large family gatherings. It may mean not being afraid to pamper yourself and/or your partner. It is okay to focus on your own needs and wants even if others might consider it selfish. It can be essential for emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing to give yourself permission to spoil yourselves a bit. Infertility and medical treatment are a lot to deal with and get through. If you find ways to manage your stress, you might even increase the odds for a better outcome from infertility treatment. Distracting yourself is key as well. Allow yourself down time from work and other obligations, schedule fun activities, and look forward to rewarding yourself with diversions as you ride the infertility roller coaster. Dont let infertility take over your life. Make sure you fill your life and your relationship with other things. Most importantly, dont forget to work on your relationship, and besides caring for yourself, continue to nurture your special other. Remember that infertility is very difficult to navigate and get through. It really is only temporary even though it may feel like you will be stuck here forever. Keeping hope and optimism alive is vital, knowing that one day, somehow, things will resolve and work out. There are many options for building a family; being open to and exploring all avenues can help. But in the meantime, the following are suggested ways to engage in healthy self-care practices for you, your partner/spouse, and together, as a couple coping with infertility. Take good care of yourselves! Eat balanced and nutritious meals and snacks. Get adequate and restful sleep. Exercise daily: walk, run, cycle, hike, go to the gym: keep moving! Unwind often: massage, relaxation techniques, prayer, meditation, yoga, acupuncture. Be kind to yourself: practice self-forgiveness and write/say self-affirmations daily. Explore creative outlets: art, music, dance, drama, writing, gardening. Strengthen social support: friends, clubs, groups, or online forums. Use assertive behavior to set limits. Write it out: journal; blog. Explore new places: local; national; international. Volunteer in the community: with animals, the elderly, for the environment. Consider professional counseling for yourself or as a couple. Not only does therapy allow you to talk about the trials of infertility, you can also get a better understanding about what your partner is going through. Consider attending an infertility support group: this can be a great outlet when you need to talk and you feel others just dont understand. Keep sex fun: experiment, explore. Acknowledge difficult emotions: allow yourself time to feel sadness, anger, frustration, to cry. This is a normal and necessary part of the process. Communicate openly with your partner: talk about feelings together. Learn as much as you can: knowledge is power. Read, talk, and find out about infertility alternatives. You will feel empowered and more in control. Peace of mind many times depends upon becoming aware of and researching the many available options. <i>Jana Frances-Fischer, Ph.D. is currently completing her postdoctoral psychology residency at University Counseling Services-Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, VA. She plans to return to her family home in San Diego after twenty years of living in Southern USA. Dr. Frances-Fischer will pursue private practice with interests in the areas of infertility and other reproductive trauma, adoption, third party reproduction, sexuality, spirituality, mind-body wellness, and parenting. She has written numerous articles, a book chapter in The 2007 Complete Women's Psychotherapy Treatment Planner, and has presented papers at both national and international conferences on various aspects of the psychology of the reproductive process both to professionals and to the general public. E-mail [email protected]</i> * Back
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