Center for Reproductive PsychologyHome PageCenter for Reproductive Psychology Home Page
  Home    Publications    Articles  
Publications

Past Article of the Month Originally Published 11/02/2009
Getting Through the Holiday Season

Celeste found out she was pregnant in October of last year. She decided to wait and surprise her family at Thanksgiving adding to everyones reason to be thankful. But then, in early December, she started cramping and spotting. An ultrasound confirmed the worst. When she saw that there was no more little flutter of her babys heart, her world came crashing down. Needless to say, the holiday celebrations were curtailed. Neither she nor her husband felt like socializing. Events that should have been fun and joyous were painfully awkward. Somehow they made it through that first holiday season and after waiting the recommended 3 months, Celeste and Paul began trying again. They hoped that this year would be different; this time it would work. But it is now November and Celeste is still not pregnant. Although they have made an appointment to see a reproductive endocrinologist, she is bereft and anxious about the future, having to get through another holiday season without a baby. Gearing up for the holidays with gift buying, invitations to numerous parties and family gatherings can be excruciating if you are dealing with ongoing infertility or pregnancy demise. Holiday traditions may seem meaningless if you are in the midst of grieving. Trying to put on a happy face may feel incongruous to the sadness, anger, and heartache that you are experiencing. And as much support as family and friends may provide, you still may feel as if no one truly gets what you are feeling. So how should you handle this? First know that you do have choices: you dont have to attend every event you are invited to. Its okay to be selective. Celeste and Paul felt that big, raucous parties were out of the question; getting together with one couple at a time was the only way they could tolerate socializing at all. Also know that you can create new holiday traditions. For example, Celeste decided that this year they would only buy gifts for the young children in their immediate families and they did so on-line to avoid being overwhelmed at toy stores. Additionally, they asked that their families not buy them gifts, but rather make a donation to charity instead. One of the most meaningful gifts that you can give to yourself and your partner is to remember that you are more than your reproductive selves. This can be difficult to keep in mind when you are consumed with infertility or pregnancy loss. Celeste and Paul took the time to write a list of each others attributes, talents, and things they loved about each other. Not only did this serve to renew their relationship, but it reminded them that having a baby although a very important part of their future was only one piece of their story, one piece of their life together. It gave them a reason to celebrate and feel hopeful for the future. There may be no perfect solution to getting through the holidays, but it does help to know that you are not helpless in these situations. Although this is definitely not the way it was supposed to be, you can take charge and control how you manage this difficult period. * Back
Copyright © 2024 by the Center for Reproductive Psychology. All rights reserved. Please contact us for permission to publish. If you have a question, comments, or a suggestion for an online article, please feel free to contact us.